


Painless

by sparklechii



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: -- mostly, Canon Compliant, Gen, Illumi is a dick the entire fic but what's new, Kalluto is a sweet bean but also a horrifying bean and I love him, OH AND A WARNING, Torture, Zoldyck Family Breakfasts, alluka and kallutos relationship hasnt been established sooooo, i can do what i want, kalluto misgenders alluka for like half of the first chapter but its resolved dw, pls love kalluto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-05-04 15:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5339516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparklechii/pseuds/sparklechii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When Kalluto was born, he was the fifth child, the youngest Zoldyck and the last to start his training. Even as a small child, the feeling of inferiority was not lost on him, constantly pushing him to train more, learn more; he needed to catch up to his older siblings as fast as possible so he could start to feel worthy of them."</p><p>In which Kalluto wants to be stronger and Alluka is the strongest.</p><p>((Used to be titled Kalluto→Envies→Alluka))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. What'd I miss?

**Author's Note:**

> i love kalluto so much,, i churned this first chapter out in a day just because i wanted to write baby kalluto being adorable and fucked up  
> then i ended up with a whole plot bc i also love alluka and killua and sO NOW YOU HAVE THIS
> 
> in the future therell probably be switches between perspective but itll stay about kalluto primarily
> 
> (this is entirely self-indulgent)

When Kalluto was born, he was the fifth child, the youngest Zoldyck and the last to start his training. Even as a small child, the feeling of inferiority was not lost on him, constantly pushing him to train more, learn more; he needed to catch up to his older siblings as fast as possible so he could start to feel worthy of them.

When Kalluto was nearing his 3rd birthday, and just starting to understand what being a Zoldyck meant, he asked his mother how he could be as strong as his brothers. She seemed so delighted that he had come to her instead of his father, and even more delighted that he was so eager to start training when her other children had had quite the aversion. Due to Kalluto’s insistence, she decided to mold him into the perfect son herself, rather than have her husband and father-in-law do it.

His body was still too delicate to practice immunity to poisons and electricity like his older brother Killua was learning. While his brothers had started their training with simple stalking and confusion techniques, Kikyo started Kalluto’s training by teaching him an immunity to pain, something Kalluto could master much more quickly with his young age than any of his brothers could. That fact alone was a powerful motivator.

It was torturous at first, day after day of cuts and bruises attacking his small body. His mother favoured the back and the legs for the cuts. The back was easy to hide in cases of scarring from Kikyo's short whip, and the legs had a lot of fat and muscle to slice into. 

Bruises however, were a more skilled task. Every day she would press her calloused fingers directly into Kalluto’s various nerves, making the pain as intense as possible... as per Kalluto’s request.

When each day had passed, Kikyo would pat him softly on the head, telling him what a good boy he had been, he would smile ever so slightly, leaning his head into her hand. He would bandage his own cuts, a task that was slow at first but quickly turned into a practiced motion, and limp back through the cold halls of the dungeon, up into the mansion, where he would collapse into his own soft bed and fall asleep, exhausted from the day.

Within 3 months, Kalluto had learned how to stop flinching from Kikyo’s hands, and how to keep his voice from crying out when the whip struck his back. It still hurt, and he knew it would take a while for the pain to stop completely, but on one occasion, while bandaging his wounds, he realised that a day’s worth of pain didn't feel torturous anymore, it felt normal. He smiled.

Another 5 months later, after his 3rd birthday came and went without anyone noticing, the first day that Kalluto woke up without dulled pain searing into his body came. 

He had known the previous night that this would happen, when he barely noticed Kikyo's whip snapping into his skin, and the only cue for when she had sliced into him was the feeling of cool blood dripping down his legs. But the feeling of waking up without the sting of healing wounds brought him more happiness than he had expected.

He leapt out of his bed in joy, ignoring the pressure that was making his legs feel wobbly. He knew on some level that his legs felt weird because he was putting his weight on them without letting them heal, but it didn't hurt, and that alone made him jump in happiness.

That day, instead of resting the injuries off like he usually did, he felt the need to tell everybody. It was working, he could barely feel pain anymore. With a few more months, he knew he could erase pain from his mind entirely.

When he opened the door to his room, the butler waiting outside jumped in surprise, as he was used to Kalluto resting until midday, then leaving to the Zoldyck’s torture chamber with his mother. The sudden change in routine threw him off, but Kalluto merely smiled at him.

“Where’s mum?” He asked with a gleam in his eyes.

The butler quickly composed himself, smiling down at the child. “Madame is currently in the dining hall, the family is eating breakfast.”

Kalluto dashed off. He was still in his pyjamas, and he didn't care. He hadn’t had a real breakfast in nearly a year; usually during the walk from his bedroom to the torture chamber, he would eat something small and easy to digest like a sandwich that his butler had made for him. During the earlier days of his training, he had had the habit of throwing up mid-session, so he would never eat too much beforehand. Even after he stopped puking, he continued the habit.

Now, he was going to the Zoldyck's dining hall, to eat a full breakfast at a table with his family, and to say he was elated was an understatement.

The doorway to the dining hall was open, and when he reached it, he saw his siblings eating quietly and his mother and father at the head of the table, eating their breakfast while exchanging words Kalluto couldn't quite hear. Without much thought, he ran the last few metres to the doorway.

“Mum!” He called out, and Kikyo immediately flicked her head from Silva over to him.

“Kalluto-chan!” She stood up from her seat, picking her skirt up off the ground slightly as she hurried towards him. She knelt down in front of him and put her hands on his shoulders. “How do you feel?”

Kalluto giggled. “I feel great! It doesn't hurt at all!” 

Kikyo made a noise that fell somewhere in between love and relief and she pulled Kalluto into a big hug that he easily reciprocated, wrapping his small arms around his mother’s neck.

Kikyo pulled back slightly and patted him on the head. “You’ve been such a good boy Kalluto.” He instinctively leant his head into his mother's hand and he looked up hopefully at her.

“Can I eat with you all?”

“Oh, of course you can, we were just starting.” Kikyo stood up, looking over to the butler that seemed to be serving as a waitress. “Get him a plate.”

“Of course.” The butler left for the kitchen and Kikyo led Kalluto by the hand to the table, lifting him up on to a chair seated next to his older brother Milluki. He sat with his legs folded underneath him, making him tall enough to sit at the table.

He felt a large hand land on the top of his head, ruffling his hair between its fingers.

“Congratulations little brother, it took me way longer than you to ignore pain,” Milluki's pubescent voice rang out.

“Idiot! You still flinch when I pinch you!” Killua snarked.

“You startled me you idiot, I didn't realise you were in the room!”

“Aren't you meant to be an assassin? You can't even sense a 5 year old in the same room as you?” Killua laughed.

“You aren’t a normal 5 year old, Killua!” Milluki had sweat dripping down his forehead. Kalluto was holding in his laughter.

“Doesn't matter!” Killua stuck out his tongue. Alluka giggled from his seat next to him.

“Milluki, Kil’s really easy to notice, he stands out a lot,” Illumi interjected. “You should practice more.”

“I am practising!” Milluki defended. “He caught me at the wrong time!”

“Yeah, when you were so busy playing those perverted games!” Killua pointed across the table at his older brother.

“Milluki…” Silva sighed from the end of the table.

“W-wait! Papa he’s just kidding! I don't play games like tha-”

“Milluki!” Kikyo's shrill voice interrupted. Milluki slumped back in his seat, clearly given up on fighting back.

The butler from earlier snuck back in the room, sliding a plate of food in front of Kalluto with a smile on her face.

“Good to see you at the table Kalluto-sama,” she whispered. Kalluto nodded his head to her, picking up his cutlery as she walked back to her place.

He started eating, almost overwhelmed by the different tastes and textures. He hadn’t eaten a proper meal since he started training, and he was so young then that he had never actually eaten at the table.

“I’m glad your training is coming along so well, Kalluto,” his father's deep voice started. “I was against your mother focusing so hard pain tolerance instead of proper techniques, but it’s paying off. You learned to ignore pain much faster than any of us.” 

Kalluto nodded his head, happy that he could earn his father's praise.

“You should still be careful.” Silva’s tone switched to something that sounded more like concern. “You might not feel it, but injuries will still affect your body. Remember to always give yourself time to heal.”

“I will.” Kalluto nodded again, making sure to remember his father's advice.

“Maybe you should change his regimen,” Illumi offered, turning to face Kikyo. “If he’s getting used to your daily treatment, you should try something more extreme but less often, like breaking a bones.” 

Kikyo tilted her head in consideration.

“Maybe it is time to switch. It is pain we’re trying to dull out, and not just cuts and bruises.” Kikyo leaned her head to Kalluto, who quickly swallowed a mouthful of cooked meat. “How does that sound, dear? You could spend more time learning proper techniques while increasing the difficulty of our training.”

Kalluto smiled and bobbed his head.

“You probably know this, but,” Milluki started. “If you’re going to break bones you should make sure they heal properly. Young children's bones are more malleable; it wouldn't be good for Kalluto’s bones to grow back misshapen.”

“Hmm, you’re right.” Kikyo hummed to herself. “Milluki? You know wrap casts for broken bones, don't you?”

“I haven't needed to in a while, but yeah.”

“Then it’s decided. You can look after Kalluto-chan when I break his bones, to make sure they heal properly,” Kikyo said before going back to her food.

“Eh? But Illumi just said I had to practise more myself!” 

“Then I suppose you’ll be busy,” Kikyo snapped back. Milluki sat back in his seat with a pout. Kalluto giggled into his hands.

Kalluto took another large bite of his breakfast, and he felt something weird in his mouth. He was pretty sure he just ate a rather soft omelette, and suddenly he could feel something oddly hard against his tongue.

He covered his mouth with his hand out of reflex, rolling the hard thing around with his tongue, trying to work out what it was. It felt vaguely cube shaped, and sort of sharp along one edge, it didn't feel like food, and he was now concerned someone had put something in his meal.

“What's wrong?” He heard Alluka’s small voice from across the table. Killua looked over to him once he had heard Alluka speak, and the rest of the family followed quickly after.

“Kalluto dear?” his mother’s voice called out.

He carefully swallowed, keeping the hard thing in his cheek as he got rid of the omelette. He reached into his mouth, grabbing at the thing and taking it out. He held it out in his hand just as Milluki looked over his shoulder.

“Oh.” His brother looked up to the rest of the family. “He just lost a tooth.”

“Did you really?” Killua’s excited voice came as he leant across the table. “Let me see! Let me see!”

“I wanna see too!” Alluka jumped up from his seat, running around the table to Kalluto’s side. Kalluto was still confused. He didn't know you could lose teeth, and his family seemed unconcerned.

Regardless, Kalluto tipped his hands so Alluka could see better, and his brother gasped in wonder.

“That's so cool!” He beamed. “I haven't lost any teeth yet! You’re so mature!” 

Kalluto looked at Alluka with confusion.

“Is this… normal?” he asked tentatively. Alluka nodded his head vigorously.

“Yeah! You start off with baby teeth, and then when you get older, they fall out and strong adult teeth grow in!” 

Kalluto looked back down at his tooth in wonderment, then ran his tongue along his teeth, looking for a gap. When he found it, he reflectively started playing with it; the feeling of his tongue sliding between such a large gap in his teeth was one he wouldn't soon forget.

“Oh, Kalluto-chan is growing up so fast!” He heard his mother coo. He turned his head to her and gave a big toothy smile, showing off the gap with new pride.

“Ne, Kalluto...” Alluka tugged on his pyjama sleeve. Kalluto looked back to him. “Can I have your tooth?”

At Alluka’s words, the room fell abnormally silent. Kalluto could feel everyone’s eyes on him and Alluka. In his peripheral vision, he saw his mother tense her hand around her fork, almost bending it, but he didn't know why. Alluka was just asking for his tooth, right? It wasn’t like he needed it anymore.

He nodded his head. “Sure,” he said. Alluka smiled, holding out his hands. Kalluto dropped the tooth into Alluka's palms and he clutched it to his chest.

“Thank you!” he sang before running back to his seat next to Killua.

“Let me see!” Killua called once Alluka had sat down. Alluka leaned over to him, cupping Kalluto's tooth in his palms. Killua made a loud “Oouhh!” sound before sending a flashy a smile over to Kalluto.

“You lost one so early! I only just lost one, see?” Killua pulled out one of his cheeks with two fingers to reveal a gap in the bottom row of his teeth. Kalluto nodded his head in appreciation, before Killua let his cheek go and went back to shovelling food into his mouth.

Kalluto could sense the change in atmosphere, and he had a feeling it had something to do with Alluka asking for his tooth, but he didn't know what. He hadn’t been involved in family stuff for nearly a year while Kikyo was training his pain immunity. Something had definitely changed. Although, Alluka and Killua didn't seem to be acting differently.

“Kalluto.” Silva's stern voice broke the silence. Kalluto looked up to his father. “Now that you’ve reached a good point in your training, I think it’s time you took a break and healed properly. Kikyo and I will…” Silva sighed, eyes darting over to Alluka and Killua so quickly that Kalluto almost missed it. “We will be dealing with something on the mountain for a while; you should spend some time with your brothers or the butlers.”

He raised his voice slightly. “That goes for all of you actually. Unless you want to train independently, we’re giving you all a break while we work out this... situation.” 

Kalluto was suspicious at the very least, and disappointed that he had gotten so far only to have a break forced upon him. He took the healing part seriously, and the part about spending time with his brothers with a grain of salt. Something was wrong, but he was still too young for anyone to tell him what. It bothered him.

His parents, Illumi and Milluki wouldn’t tell him even if he begged, and his grandfather might if it was important for him to know, but it probably wasn't. He could try asking Killua and Alluka, but he wouldn't know what to ask them, he didn't even think they knew what the problem was, even if they seemed to be at the centre of it.

Kalluto finished his breakfast in silence, before he hopped off of his seat and left for his room. His butler was still waiting outside his door, and when he saw Kalluto coming, he bowed to him.

“Kalluto-sama, how was breakfast?”

“It was good,” he responded simply. The butler stood straight again.

“Are you going back to rest or do you need a change of clothes?” he asked.

“Umm, I’m gonna rest... Hey…” Kalluto motioned for the butler to come closer, he knelt down to Kalluto's height. “Mum and dad seem worried about something. What is it?”

The butler sighed. “I have an idea, but if they have not told you themselves, I do not believe it's my place to say.”

Kalluto groaned in disappointment. The butler chuckled softly and rested a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll find out eventually, I promise.” 

Kalluto looked into the butler’s eyes and nodded his head.“Dad said that I’m taking a break from training to heal, you should do the thing to my cuts.” 

The butler smiled.“Of course Kalluto-sama, would you like a bath for afterwards?” Kalluto nodded again, but with an added smile. “All right, why don't you take off your bandages and come to your bathroom when you’re ready?”

Kalluto smiled and dashed around the crouching butler to get to his bedroom door, which he pushed open with slight effort before running to his bed. He heard the butler leave to run his bath from the other side of the door just as he pulled himself up onto his bed.

Kalluto loved baths. The torture chamber was so dirty since it was, in fact, a torture chamber, and nobody could clean it fast enough to keep up with how dirty it got. It kind of added to the effect in a way, but after the pain started fading, going there just made Kalluto feel grimy and gross instead of scared.

Sometimes when he came back to his room, he would get a butler to treat his wounds, which was a stinging and painful routine until recently, when Kalluto had started to enjoy the burn of antiseptic and sinking into a steaming hot bath immediately after, making his skin turn red and his head feel dizzy.

Kalluto unbuttoned his pyjama shirt and threw it on the ground by his feet, revealing a pattern of bandages around his stomach and criss-crossed over his chest. He found the end of the strip by his hip and unhooked it from the rest, rolling it back into a tube, following the path of bandages around his waist and then up around his chest and over his shoulders. Some of his blood had leaked into the fabric; he’d have to throw it away.

He shimmied off his pyjama pants and did the same to the bandages on his legs. The cuts on his legs were always deeper than the ones on his back, meaning more blood, evidenced by the deep red splotches all along the fabric. He grimaced at the sight of how much blood he’d lost. His father was right, just because he could barely feel it anymore didn't mean it wasn't doing any damage to his body. He should be still be careful.

There was a knock at his door, followed by the sound of it creaking open, he looked over from his bed to see Alluka peeking through the crack.

“Onii-chan?” Kalluto called out, making Alluka pout.

“It’s onee-!” Alluka started angrily before he froze. “Oh wait, you weren't around when I told everyone. Sorry…” 

“What?” Kalluto asked in confusion.

Alluka opened the door enough to jump through. He walked over to Kalluto, hands tangled behind his back.

“Um, onii-chan’s better at explaining it than me, but um… I’m a girl! So uhh… Call me onee-chan!” Alluka stood tall, moving his- her hands to her hips.

“Huh? But mum told me you were a boy.” Kalluto tilted his head.

“Yeah… She doesn't believe me… No one but onii-chan really believes me.” Alluka slumped back down, laughing nervously.

Kalluto didn’t know how to respond for a moment. “I believe you.” 

“Really?” Alluka's face lit up and she grabbed Kalluto's hands in hers, bouncing up and down. “Thank you!” 

Kalluto was startled by the sudden bouncing, shaking him back and forth. “Uh!” He tried to get Alluka's attention. “What did you come here for?” He managed to get Alluka to stop moving, and she let go of his hands.

“Um… I don't really know…” She clapped her hands together with a bright smile. “I wanted to see Kalluto! I’m your big sister so... I’m responsible for you!” She ran her eyes up and down Kalluto with a big smile before suddenly backtracking to Kalluto's calves, her mouth falling open in shock.

“Oh no! Kalluto your legs!” She started flailing her arms around her head in panic. “My little brother’s hurt! What do I do? What do I do?!” 

“Uhh…” Kalluto looked up at her with a mostly dumbstruck look. “It's just from the training… It’s fine.”

“Ehh?! How is hurting you meant to stop you from being hurt?!” Alluka looked so panicked that Kalluto barely knew how to respond, his voice just died in his throat.

“Oh!” Alluka's expression changed so quickly. “I have an idea!” She gestured for Kalluto to lift his legs up.

He didn't quite know what was happening, but he hadn’t really spoken to his older br… sister, in almost a year, and he felt a strange urge to do as she said.

He stretched his left leg up, leaving his right leg hanging against the bed. Alluka shook her head.

“It has to be both!” She scolded. Kalluto tentatively raised his other leg.

Alluka closed her eyes and furrowed her brow like she was thinking really hard. Kalluto was about to ask what she was doing just before she flicked her eyes back open, she had a mischievous grin on her lips.

“Wanna see something cool?” Alluka had a gleam in her eyes, and Kalluto was intrigued enough at this point to nod his head.

Alluka closed her eyes again, taking a deep breath. After a few moments, something changed in her demeanor, but Kalluto couldn't tell what; it was like Alluka had suddenly fallen asleep standing up.

“Onee-chan?” he called out nervously. Something filled him with unease, like a pressure against his chest.

Alluka made a small noise before she began to slowly open her eyes, freezing Kalluto in place.

Alluka's eyes were a deep black, like two bottomless holes in her skull. Kalluto felt a twinge of fear, but he trusted Alluka, so he swallowed air and looked a little deeper into Alluka's new eyes. She parted her lips to speak, and her mouth was the same deep black as her eyes, he didn’t really know how to react.

“Ka… lluto?” Alluka spoke softly. Her voice seemed a little off, like she could only just remember how to speak, and she way she said his name sounded like she had only ever heard of him from other people. Kalluto was beyond confused, but he saw no real reason to be scared of her, so he played along.

“Yeah.” He paused. “Are you Alluka?” The question seemed to flow out of him without any thought. The person in front of him was Alluka mere seconds ago, but this didn't quite seem like his big sister anymore.

The girl shook her head. “I’m…” she stuttered out. “Nanika.”

“Nanika?” Kalluto breathed out. She nodded her head. Kalluto looked deep into Nanika's eyes. The named suited her well.

The girl now known as Nanika looked up and down Kalluto as Alluka had done and she stopped at his legs just like her. Nanika reached out to touch his outstretched calves. He easily resisted the urge to flinch back, but he definitely thought about it.

Nanika pressed her palms against Kalluto's beaten skin. She had a strange smile, one that would appear innocent and child-like if her mouth wasn't so pitch black. Kalluto waited a few moments for something to happen before he was startled by a flow of something into his flesh. 

It felt cold and liquid and startling, and it traced every bump and imperfection in his skin. It seeped into his veins and into his blood and Kalluto was so overwhelmed by the feeling he didn’t have the power to pull back. He could feel his cuts stitching back together, and when he looked up, he saw Nanika, coated in an airy gold substance that seemed to leak out from her pores.

The room glowed in an eerie white light that eventually grew too bright for Kalluto's eyes to handle. He squeezed them shut, focusing to the cold liquid coating his skin and blood. The feeling stayed for a mere fifteen seconds before Nanika’s hands left his skin, pulling the cold liquid-y stuff out with them. Nanika sighed and closed her eyes and mouth again, and her posture shifted once more. Kalluto assumed that meant she was back to Alluka.

Alluka suddenly fell forward, giving Kalluto barely enough time to move out of the way as she collapsed into his bed, most of her body hanging off the side.

Kalluto’s eyes went wide and he looked down as his legs. The skin looked completely undamaged, like his mother hadn’t been carving into them with a knife for the better part of a year. He heard the quietest of snores from next to him, and turned to see Alluka, her lips parted ever so slightly, and her chest moving up and down in slow, controlled motions.

Kalluto was stunned and full of questions. Who was Nanika? How did Alluka's face change like that? Why did she pass out? And how did any of that heal eight months' worth of cuts, scars and bruises on his legs?

He should’ve told her about his back too.

He watched his big sister sleep for more than a few minutes before he was finally interrupted by raucous footsteps and a loud voice.

“There you are!” Killua burst into his room without warning, Kalluto snapped out of his confusion to look over to his brother, far too many questions rushing through his head.

“Alluka, she…” Kalluto shook his head, getting his thoughts back together. “She- her eyes turned black and then…” He looked down at his legs in bewilderment again.

“Oh yeah, I noticed your legs were kinda wobbly.” Killua wandered closer to Kalluto's bed, reaching out to jostle Alluka's sleeping form, she didn’t budge. “Did Nanika heal you?”

“Uhh…” Kalluto murmured, confused as to how Killua knew she’d healed him. “Only my legs… She didn’t see my back”

“Hmm, last time she healed a bird she was out for half an hour, this might be about the same?” 

Killua wasn't making any sense. Kalluto wanted to ask, but he was so out of the loop he didn't know what to ask first. He settled for silence. 

“I don't wanna move her in case mum and dad see.” Killua scrunched his face together in either thought or annoyance, or a mixture of the two. “Can she sleep here?”

“I was gonna have a bath... my butler's waiting for me.” Kalluto responded slowly. “I guess she can…”

“Ah, thanks Kalluto!” Killua smiled a big toothy smile, and Kalluto noted the gap in his teeth again. 

Kalluto slid off the side of the bed, scooping his pyjamas off the floor and pulling them back on. He had just reached the door when he heard Killua call out.“Oh!” 

Kalluto turned to face him. Killua pressed a finger against his lips. “Don't tell anyone Nanika healed you ‘kay?”

Kalluto’s eyes widened ever so slightly. Even more questions crowded his mind, but he nodded; he wouldn't tell anyone.

\--

“Kalluto-sama…” His butler had a twinge of fear in his voice. Kalluto made a ‘hm?’ sound. “Where are…”

The butler gestured down to Kalluto's legs as he swung back and forth in his seat. Kalluto could still feel the antiseptic sitting warm in his back, and the steam from the bath was clouding just above his head comfortably. 

He assumed his butler was confused as to where the cuts on his calves had gone, but he had promised Killua that he’d keep it a secret.

“They healed.” He replied simply. The butler nodded his head, but Kalluto could sense that something was wrong.

He’d find out later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so before u get ur hopes up: i am the slowest updater in the world and also really inconsistent... just look at my other fic about fucked up children (i have a thing) sOOO
> 
> i have most of a chapter two written and the plot planned out, but theres a slim chance ill be able to update weekly like i want to,,, I'LL TRY MY BEST TH O


	2. Alluka's not scary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalluto plays with his siblings for the first time since his training, but something's off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha haa,, told you i was the most inconsistent updater in the world... imma try to be better from now on but i make no promises
> 
> enjoy some adorable zoldyck kids

Kalluto tugged on Milluki's pant leg. “Millu-nii?”

“Huh?” Milluki looked down from his computer. He looked like he was on some auction site, though Kalluto couldn't tell what he was bidding on.

“Where's the part of the forest with all the mushrooms? Killu-nii told me to meet him there but I don't know where it is.”

Milluki groaned. His chair creaked when he turned to face Kalluto.

“Around the back of the house there's a path into the trees; if you just follow that for a while there’s a sign that Kil made. It’ll tell you where to go… Oh, come on!” Milluki trailed off in anger as he glanced back at his computer. Kalluto assumed he lost the bid.

“Thank you,” Kalluto murmured as he ducked out of Milluki's room.

The butlers, having been given a rare break by Kalluto’s father, didn’t stop him as he left the mansion quietly. Everyone seemed on edge, despite it being a week since then.

Being outside felt weird, and Kalluto realised he’d only gone outside a few times in his life. He paused at the top of the steps leading down into their huge garden, which was filled with perfectly trimmed hedges and freshly cut grass, to take in the clean air. His hair scattered around his face when he skipped down the stone steps; the wind was strong up on Kukuroo mountain, he hadn’t noticed that before.

He found himself having to run around the mansion, because it would’ve taken _way_ too long to walk, and by the time he finally reached the path Milluki had told him about, he was out of breath. He sat heavily in the grass to rest.

The grass was damp, and he could feel it soaking through his pants. Kalluto was grossed out by the sensation of it. Still out of breath, he started to pick at blades of grass to pass time.

He had made quite a decent pile of uprooted grass on his knees before a young girl’s voice interrupted him.

“Kalluto-sama, do you need help?”

He looked up to see a pretty butler with dark skin and fluffy hair. He’d definitely seen her with Killua before, but he couldn't quite remember her name. He was pretty sure it started with a C.

“The grass is wet,” he explained to C. She smiled fondly.

“It was raining earlier. Would you like me to help you up?”

Kalluto shook his head, and abandoned his pile of grass to push himself up off the ground. He patted down his butt, failing to actually dry his pants but succeeding in looking like he did. He looked back up to C.

“Take me to the mushrooms.”

C nodded her head in understanding.

“Of course.” She held out her hand and Kalluto grabbed on. He didn't really need someone to take him, as he could find it easily enough on his own with Milluki's instructions, but he preferred being around others.

He wasn't very talkative, but he liked the presence of another human being. Usually his mother, sometimes his siblings, now it was a preteen girl he had forgotten the name of. It didn't matter who, they all blurred together in his head after a while. No one stood out to him yet -- he had different opinions of different people, sure, but he would just as gladly spend time with his mother as he would with the butler who laid out his clothes everyday.

He clutched onto C’s hand tighter as they hopped through some inconvenient thorned bushes blocking their path. Her hand was a mix of soft and calloused; he would have described it as squishy.

“We’re almost there,” C announced as they neared the sign Milluki had told Kalluto about. The sign was crude, half of it filled with a scribbled drawing of a cartoon toadstool and the other half a large arrow pointing up with words written in barely legible writing. It didn't help that he’d only just started learning how to read either.

“Killu-nii made that sign,” Kalluto said. C made a noise of agreement.

“Did Killua-sama ask you to come here?”

“Yeah. He said I should play with him.”

“Ah, I see.” C pushed a low branch out of her way. “He told me how excited he was that you were back. Everyone missed you.”

Kalluto pouted. “I wasn't really gone…”

C smiled fondly.

Kalluto was about to ask how much longer it would take to get there when he saw the trees start to spread further apart. They walked just a little further before Kalluto could see a small clearing, the shadows around each tree lined with brightly coloured mushrooms.

In the very centre he saw Killua and Alluka, sitting cross legged in the grass together and playing some kind of clapping game. They seemed perfectly in sync until Killua's hands reached out to Alluka, assumedly to clap their hands together, but Alluka's were still pressed together, leaving Killua's arms outstretched in the air between them.

“No, no Onii-chan! You have to clap twice!” Alluka's small voice scolded.

“What? No! It's just once!”

“No it goes-” Alluka proceeded to call out a list of various ways to clap one’s hands; she seemed very insistent on the order and tempo of each clap. Kalluto didn't know there was more than one way to clap your hands. He was very confused.

“Killua-sama, Alluka-sama?” C called meekly. His siblings’ attention immediately shifted towards them, their faces lighting up.

“Canary!” _That_ was her name. “Kalluto!” Alluka jumped up from her spot in the grass to rush over to the two of them. Her hands immediately clasped around Kalluto's. “You really came! C’mon and play with us, I’ll teach you how!”

Alluka tugged on Kalluto's hands, startling him and pulling him further into the clearing, coaxing him to sit down with them.

“I’ll be off then,” Canary said with a smile, turning as she spoke.

“Byebye Canary!” Alluka waved after her.

Killua tugged on Kalluto's sleeve slyly, while Alluka was distracted.

“Ne Kalluto, it’s just one clap right?”

“Huh?”

\--

Almost a full thirty minutes later, Killua had begrudgingly agreed that it was indeed two claps and Alluka had taught Kalluto how to play the game. Clapping games still made no sense to him, and he assumed that one of the butlers must have taught them the lyrics as their parents or older brothers definitely would not have.

“Kalluto! How fast do you think we can go?” Alluka’s eyes sparkled as she held out her hands, clearly eager to play another round.

“Hey! I wanna play too!” Killua pouted.

“We can try next!” She smiled, readying her hands to play.

Kalluto mirrored Alluka’s hands, adjusting his position to sit directly in front of her.

“Ready and…!” Alluka began to sing the song at a much faster pace than they had done before, and Kalluto did his best to keep up with her hands. Her smile grew wider with every lyric, and eventually Kalluto found himself smiling with her. She sang faster and faster, and their hands moved faster and faster, and Alluka almost fell off rhythm from smiling too much.

They kept moving their hands faster, only keeping their hands mirrored for a few more lines before Alluka’s smile turned into laughter, making her hiccup lyrics out and flail her hands against his rather than continue the pattern. Kalluto found himself giggling with her, their game turning more into a slap fight with every passing moment.

“Sorry Kalluto! I kinda messed up…” Alluka said between giggles. Their hands finally slowed down and Kalluto’s laughter died out, leaving a small smile behind. Alluka held her hands back up.

“Come on, let’s try again!”

Kalluto held his hands up around his chest in defense, they had been playing this game for 30 minutes and he still saw no end. “Um… I-”

“Hey!” Killua, thankfully, interrupted. “You said I could play next!” he said, shifting himself more into their space with a pout.

“Oh! Sorry onii-chan!” Alluka twisted herself around to face Killua. “Let's try!”

Kalluto needed to end this somehow.

“Um…” Kalluto spoke up, drawing his siblings’ attention back to him. “Is this what you do all day?”

His siblings tilted their heads in unison. Kalluto didn't understand what they found confusing about the question.

“Um… I guess?” Alluka offered, holding her index finger to her chin. “Onii-chan does assassin training most of the time though…” Killua made an affirmative ‘mm’ noise.

“Dad always make me practice and stuff, so I usually only get to play with Alluka at night... But we’ve been getting more days off lately, so we play then!” Killua threw his arm around Alluka's shoulders and she nodded her head with a smile.

“Don't you train too, onee-chan?” Kalluto asked. Alluka shook her head.

“Grandpa said I’m already really powerful!” She threw her arms up in the air for emphasis, making Killua’s arm move back in surprise. “I guess they don't think I need training.” Killua's eyes lit up.

“You saw Nanika, didn't you?” Killua beamed at Kalluto. “Isn't she cool?”

“Um…” Kalluto sure did see Nanika. He could remember the events of last week with frightening clarity. Nanika's eyes were so deep in his sister’s skull that he felt like he could’ve fallen into them, and the feeling of his wounds stitching themselves back together while that cold liquid sat in his blood felt so strange that it made his skin crawl just remembering it.

“She was…” Kalluto struggled for words as Killua looked up at him hopefully, he didn't want to say anything to disappoint him. “She looked really strong.”

“Right?” Killua seemed satisfied with his answer as he sat back in the grass; Alluka blushed on Nanika’s behalf.

Kalluto straightened his back and furrowed his brow in determination. Now that his siblings were suitably distracted from their game, he could do the thing he came to do in the first place.

“Killu-nii!” Kalluto started a bit too loud, he got Killua’s attention at the least. Kalluto adjusted his volume before continuing. “Teach me how to do rhythm echo.”

Killua's eyes widened in surprise just before his lips curved up in an excited smile. He jumped up from the grass and Alluka made a slightly confused noise of protest.

“Come on, get up!” Killua reached out to tug on Kalluto’s arm, pulling him roughly off the ground. He wasn't expecting Killua to be so into the idea. He was expecting to beg at least a little bit. He stumbled for balance once Killua had got him on his feet.

“Hmm, no fair!” Alluka grumbled. “I wanna learn too!” she pushed herself up onto her feet as well, clenching her fists in determination.

Killua looked down at his siblings with a smug grin, he was clearly looking forward to showing off his skills, it was painfully obvious that that was the reason for his excitement.

“I’ll teach you a bunch of stuff if you wanna!”

Kalluto nodded his head enthusiastically. That's what he really, really wanted.

\--

The sun peaked around the middle of Killua's lessons, and Kalluto definitely noticed the difference. His light T-shirt didn't feel so light anymore, and despite the earlier rain, the heat was so prevalent that all he could do was try and ignore it.

Kalluto watched Alluka attempt rhythm echo once more before she fell to her knees and then face first into the grass. If she was anyone else, it probably would’ve hurt, but she just groaned in exhaustion and rolled onto her back.

“It’s hot…” she whined.

“It was just raining… The weather up here is so weird…” Killua groaned. “Let's go inside, where there's air conditioning.”

Alluka groaned and rolled once more, back onto her face. “Can’t get up…” Kalluto only just heard her through all the muffling of the grass.

Kalluto wasn't ready to give up just yet. “I wanna try again.”

Alluka managed to crane her head just enough to see Kalluto ready himself.

His shoulders rolled back and he held his breath. He took a light step into the grass, moving his legs in just the way Killua had told him to, and shifting his weight behind his body. He took a mere five steps before he stopped, sighing in defeat. Killua clapped his hand into Kalluto’s hair, all fuzzy from the humidity.

“We should go inside.”

Kalluto shook his head stubbornly. “Don't wanna.”

“You’ll get heat stroke.”

“I don’t know what that is.”

“You don't know what that is either onii-chan! You just heard Canary say it!” Alluka called out in an accusatory tone.

“Shut up!” Killua flushed red. Alluka stuck her tongue out.

Kalluto shook his brother’s hand from his head and closed his eyes. Killua mastered rhythm echo within a week. Kalluto wanted to master it much faster.

He tried again -- _shift your weight back, make two steps look like one, leave your image behind_ \-- focusing harder and imagining what Killua’s face would look like if he just mastered it right now-

Kalluto bumped into something, throwing him off balance. His first thought was that he had walked into a tree, a very muscled tree. When he opened his eyes, he was looking at a leg, his father’s leg no less.

“You’re too tense. You’ll never be able to do it if you don’t relax your muscles,” Silva said. Kalluto stepped backwards and craned his head up to actually see his father’s face. Their height difference was annoyingly massive. Kalluto couldn't wait to grow up and tower over him.

“Daddy!” Alluka’s voice called out. Kalluto was about to turn around to see her but she had already burst into his field of vision, latching onto their dad with incredible enthusiasm.

Silva sighed at her. Kalluto didn't miss how sad it sounded.

“Onii-chan’s been teaching us rhythm echo! Did you see us?”

“I did.” Something was off with Silva. Kalluto’s eyes darted over to Killua, he was being oddly quiet now that their father had appeared

“Daddy, daddy! Can you do rhythm echo? I wanna see! I wanna see!” Alluka let go of their dad’s leg and bounced backwards, eyes lit up in expectation.

“Maybe another time… Alluka.” Silva sounded like he was forcing out the syllables of his sister’s name. Like just saying it was hurting him. Kalluto didn't like it at all.

He scowled at his father’s leg, craning his head to make eye contact was getting difficult.

“Aww…” Alluka sounded defeated.

“What do you need?” Killua appeared by Kalluto without footsteps. His expression was hard, and he was staring at Silva like he was challenging him to something.

“I need to speak with you.” Silva stared into Killua. “Just you.”

Kalluto instinctively glanced over to Alluka, who looked only mildly concerned, like their beast of a father hadn't just asked to speak with their older brother in a way that sounded like a serious threat, but had instead just told him off for not eating his vegetables.

Alluka was such an innocent girl that Kalluto wondered for a moment if she was a real Zoldyck, but he remembered her black eyes and bright white light and retracted his thought.

Killua nodded his head stiffly in the most reluctant ‘yes’ Kalluto had seen, he hadn't seen many, but still.

“You two should go inside.” Silva addressed Kalluto and Alluka his time, although his gaze was pointedly only on Kalluto. “Go find your brothers.”

“Okay!” Alluka sang, rocking back on her heels.

\--

Kalluto watched as Alluka let out a satisfied sigh and stretched out her arms. The mansion was so nicely air conditioned, Kalluto wanted to lie down on the cool marble floor and completely forget the heat outside; he much preferred cool temperatures over warm.

Kukuroo mountain was such a mish-mash of conflicting weather patterns that despite only a week of experience in actually going outside, Kalluto had already formed strong opinions on the matter. He would much rather freeze to death than burn to death, but that was rather morbid.

“Let’s play! What do you wanna do?” Alluka smiled down at him, and Kalluto tilted his head in thought. He didn't know many games; Alluka was the expert in that sense.

“I wanna play what you wanna play.” He decided. Alluka pressed an index finger to her chin in consideration.

“Let's go to my room! I have lots of toys, I wanna show them to you.” Alluka grabbed onto Kalluto's wrist and dragged him through their labyrinth of a home. They went up the stairs and passed many weird statues, paintings of their great-great-great-great-grand-whatevers, Illumi’s bedroom (which smelled distinctly of bleach from unknown causes) and far too many butlers standing stock-still and unaware of what they should be doing. By the time they reached Alluka’s bedroom, Kalluto's wrist was going numb from his sister’s grip and when she finally let go, he had to rub the red mark away before following her into her room.

Alluka’s room was a little smaller than Kalluto’s, but the ceilings were higher from being on another floor of the house. The walls were pink, the floors were hardwood, and a large collection of dolls and teddies sat around and _on_ the bed and dresser, taking up at least a third of the floorspace. It was spacious and cramped all at the same time, but Alluka didn't seem to mind.

“I like your dolls.” Kalluto said quietly.

“They’re really cute aren't they?” Alluka pointed to a collection of brightly coloured dolls on her dresser. “That’s Elina, that’s Red, that’s Buttercup and that’s Mr. Bunny!” Kalluto nodded his head. He liked Buttercup.

“Oh! Do you wanna see the best one?” Alluka grinned brightly at him, clearky itching to show him.

“Yeah.” Kalluto smiled back.

Suddenly, Alluka ran over to the bed and picked up a black teddy bear with bright blue eyes from the very centre. It was probably the smallest and plainest doll in the room. She squeezed it to her chest.

“This one’s the only one without a name. Daddy bought him for me ages ago but I never thought of one.” She pressed her cheek against the teddy’s fur. “I love him though.”

Kalluto walked tentatively towards his sister, reaching out to pet the teddy bear as if it were a cat. The teddy’s fur was soft and fluffy between his fingertips. He didn't have any real stuffed toys of his own, seeing Alluka with so many of them made his eyes hurt. There were too many colours and shapes and it was beginning to overload his senses. How did Alluka sleep in this room?

“Why is he your favourite? He’s kind of plain.” Kalluto commented absentmindedly.

Alluka shook her head intently.

“He’s not plain! He’s very, very special!”

“Why?” Kalluto asked with serious sincerity.

Alluka’s expression breathed out, her arms loosening around the bear and her smile changing from wide and excited to almost sad. She nuzzled into the bear.

“‘Cause it took a lot for daddy to give him to me…”

Kalluto didn't have a response. He nodded.

A few seconds of silence passed between them before Alluka spoke up again, her voice small and delicate.

“He’s scared of me. So is mummy, and all the butlers.” Alluka lifted her head from the bear, looking deeply into Kalluto's eyes. “They think Nanika wants to kill them.”

“But Nanika healed-”

“She doesn't have healing powers.” Alluka corrected him before he could get the words out of his mouth. Kalluto blinked in confusion.

“Then what does-” Kalluto was interrupted by a sharp crash from outside Alluka’s room. Kalluto’s attention was immediately drawn to the noise.

“Ah shit-” Milluki’s voice was quiet and annoyed, and he grunted as he bent to pick up whatever it was he dropped.

“Oh, it’s just Millu-” A hand clamped down over his mouth. Alluka had interrupted him a lot today, it was sort of endearing.

Alluka slowly took her hand away and Kalluto turned to face her. She held a finger up to her lips and shushed him ever so quietly. Kalluto nodded his head.

“Milluki’s gonna go train with grandpa now, wanna see?” Alluka’s voice was barely a whisper, and Kalluto had to strain to hear her. Kalluto _was_ really interested in seeing his brothers train, he wanted to see what made them so strong.

Kalluto nodded his head slowly, as if nodding his head normally would be too loud for this conversation.

Alluka smiled and grabbed his hand, dropping the bear to the ground.

“We have to be really sneaky okay?”

\--

They trailed Milluki all the way from Alluka's bedroom on the top floor, to the underground where most Zoldyck business tended to go down. Kalluto was familiar with their path up until they passed the torture chambers, then his knowledge ran out and he had to trust Alluka and Milluki to find the rest of the way.

The basement was a lot bigger and more intricate than he ever thought it was; he hoped Alluka remembered the way back because he definitely did not. Kalluto even forgot the reason they were following Milluki in the first place. Alluka seemed to remember however, as she had an excited grin on her lips and a small but silent skip in her steps. Killua didn't have any footsteps either, he might’ve taught Alluka how to do that.

Or maybe she was just born with feather light feet.

Probably the born thing.

Kalluto was about to turn the next corner when Alluka suddenly held him back, keeping him from sight just as Milluki looked over his shoulder. He really should’ve been paying more attention to Milluki instead of relying on his sister’s instincts.

“There you are Mil,” a voice appeared out of nowhere. Stupid Zoldyck family and their stupid silent feet. “Is it possible for you to take longer next time?”

Zeno’s voice made Kalluto instinctively press harder into the stone wall, as if it would make his bright yellow t-shirt less visible if Zeno or Milluki happened to look around the corner. Alluka grabbed onto his hand almost protectively.

“I forgot you needed all this stuff! I had to get it from my room.”

“Your mother can run from the gate to the mansion in under five minutes, that is no excuse.” Miluki made an offended noise.

Alluka peered around the corner to watch them. Kalluto held his breath and listened out for what was happening instead.

Zeno opened a clunky door and Milluki shuffled inside. Something fell from the box of things Milluki was carrying and clattered onto the stone floor. Zeno scoffed and swooped it off the ground. Zeno followed Milluki into the room and the door swung behind him, but the door never clicked shut.

“Yes! They left it cracked!” Alluka’s tiny voice whispered out. She tugged on Kalluto’s hand and pulled him out of the shadows and around the corner.

They crept up to the cracked door and Alluka nudged Kalluto ahead of her, gesturing for him to look through the door. Kalluto still wasn't 100% sure what they were doing, but he was enjoying spending time with Alluka, and she seemed to be interested in whatever was happening.

He curled his fingers around the door, pulling it open just a touch more.

“You have been practicing Ren I assume?”

“Of course I have! I’m getting a lot better at it.”

Alluka tapped on Kalluto’s shoulder, nudging him to crouch down so she could look too.

Zeno and Milluki stood in the centre of a large room; the walls were stone like the rest of the dungeon, but they were covered by draping red curtains and gargoyle statues. The floor was lined with sparring mats and the box Milluki had been carrying had been pushed to the side. Kalluto still couldn't quite make out was was in the box, but it just looked like a random collection of objects from around the house, which was confusing.

“Alright, then show me. Stand up, back straight. Hold your Ren for thirty minutes.” Zeno marched to the back of the room, leaving Milluki to stand awkwardly in the middle.

“I can't do thirty minutes yet, I only just started!” Milluki protested.

“You will hold Ren for thirty minutes and we will only start the next exercise once you have done so.”

Milluki groaned.

“I’m gonna be here all day…”

“If you want to end the lesson faster then learn faster.”

Milluki groaned again.

Kalluto watched as Milluki reluctantly corrected his posture and breathed in deeply. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists and then…

Nothing.

Zeno stood and watched as Milluki did nothing, staring into him critically as if he could somehow screw up doing nothing.

Milluki continued to do nothing for a few silent minutes and Kalluto slowly got more and more confused. He couldn't take it anymore, beads of sweat were forming on Milluki’s forehead from doing absolutely nothing and Kalluto couldn't take it anymore.

“What’s happening?” He whispered to Alluka, not caring if his grandpa and/or his brother heard him.

Alluka had a big grin on her face, and she didn't even notice that her little brother had said anything until he nudged her with his elbow. She suddenly looked down at him.

“What did you say?” She whispered back.

“What’s Millu-nii doing?”

“I didn't tell you?”

Kalluto shook his head.

“Oh!” Alluka blushed. “Sorry…”

“It's okay.”

Alluka smiled at him, and Kalluto couldn't find it in him to be mad at her. He was a little mad at Milluki for somehow breaking a sweat from doing nothing, though.

“It’s Nen! It’s kinda like magic, normal people can't see it, but it's really cool! I’ve been watching Millu-nii’s lessons since they started,” Alluka’s face suddenly dropped as realisation dawned on her. “You… Can't see it can you… I didn't tell you how to do it…”

Kalluto shook his head again.

“Ahh! I’m sorry Kalluto! I just saw Milluki and I got caught up wanting to show you!”

“It’s fine,” Kalluto smiled up at his big sister. “Can you show me how to see it?”

Alluka nodded her head enthusiastically, and before Kalluto could register what was happening, Alluka was reaching out for Kalluto’s hand and dragging him away. Hopefully they were going somewhere they didn't have to whisper.

\--

Milluki tried to ignore his younger siblings whispering in the doorway, but it was _really_ frustrating.

Nen was hard enough as is, now he had got two little distractions whispering to each other about something _just_ too quiet to hear, and the fact that he couldn't make out what they were saying was somehow even worse.

He sighed a breath of relief when he heard the sounds of their feet running and fading away, but his sigh broke his concentration and his Ren crumbled, quickly fading back to Ten. Milluki cursed.

“Barely ten minutes.” Zeno scolded. “Start again.”

“I can't help it! That thing and Kalluto were distracting me!”

“If two children are distracting you then you have no hope of ever developing your Nen.”

Milluki huffed.

“Don't give me that.”

“It’s not my fault, I’m not a nen prodigy like the rest of you.” Milluki crossed his arms across his chest. Zeno sighed.

“Neither your mother nor Illumi were prodigies. Kalluto is uncertain too.”

“Are you kidding me? Kalluto is basically immune to pain after eight months of Mama’s torture, he’s better than Kil.”

Zeno was silent. Milluki uncrossed his arms and looked over to the cracked door that his brothers had been peeking through.

“Why do you keep letting that thing watch me train anyway? Do you really want it learning Nen?”

Zeno’s eyebrows twitched downwards and an intense anger emanated from his grandpa’s aura.

“That ‘thing’ is your sister. Do not speak of your family like that.”

“Why not? It’s deadly! Mama and Papa told me to be cautious around it!”

“If she was a threat to the family she would’ve been killed long ago.”

Milluki had no response, he looked away from his grandpa rebelliously.

Zeno sighed.

“My son and his wife are indecisive. Until they come to a decision on how to handle Alluka’s power, I will treat her as family,” Zeno paused. “I will treat her as a Zoldyck, and Zoldycks are allowed to sneak into their siblings’ Nen lessons if they so please.”

Milluki scoffed and crossed his arms again. “Whatever…”

There was a long pause before Zeno finally spoke up. “Summon your Ren again. Thirty minutes.”

Milluki groaned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol i know canarys meant to be like 5 at this point but i just wanted to write preteen canary for no reason in particular  
> also: im never writing from millukis pov ever again i hate it
> 
> shit goes down next chapter


	3. Hide n' Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kalluto tries to learn about emotions, Killua tries to teach him, and Alluka actually does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been 84 years.....

Kalluto stretched out his arm, testing out how it bent and moved.

“It seems better.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Milluki dismissed. “You can't judge anything about your own broken bones. Give it to me.”

Kalluto huffed and held out his arm to his big brother.

“Honestly… Mama went overboard with your torture training... If you can't judge your own injuries then it's just doing more harm than good.” Milluki muttered to himself as he inspected the nearly healed break in Kalluto’s arm.

“You’re just jealous because I’m a faster learner than you.” Kalluto poked his tongue out; Milluki frowned at him and flicked him on the forehead.

“At least I can judge my own injuries.”

“I can judge them. It just doesn't hurt.” Kalluto pouted.

He really could feel them. It had been a several months since the main portion of his pain immunity training had ended, he had learnt what injuries felt like without the immediate sting.

When his mother broke his arm for example, he felt the bone split, and he felt when it stuck up into his muscles. He knew it was broken, and he knew that he couldn't move his fingers, but it just didn't bother him.

His mother seemed so proud when he didn't react at all, apparently Illumi had taken three years before a bone could fracture without it bothering him, and Kalluto had done it in a third of that time. Kalluto slept well that night, after Milluki had begrudgingly wrapped his arm in a cast of course.

“I still can't believe you can't actually feel it. You know the rest of us just learn to ignore it right?”

“I know.” Kalluto smiled up at his big brother. Milluki just sighed in response.

“It's still not fully healed. You need to wear a splint for a bit longer.”

Kalluto groaned.

“Be quiet.” Milluki grumbled. “Stay here, I need to get a splint from someone. Your wrists are too small for any of mine.” 

“Can’t I just promise to be careful?”

“Absolutely not. You won’t keep your promise at all.” Milluki got up from his chair and quickly left his room, leaving Kalluto to sulk on his brother’s bed.

Kalluto sighed and ran the fingers from his good arm along the little break, playing with the lingering yellow bruise.

His training was still technically ‘on break’, even after nearly 5 months, but everyone except his parents seemed to forget. The only reason Kikyo broke his arm a few weeks ago was because Kalluto asked her to. It seemed to be a similar case with the rest of his brothers too. But Kalluto’s training was still going ahead fine without the schedule, if not a little unorganized.

The only time he ever learnt something new was when he bugged Killua to teach him something, or when Alluka and he were sneaking in on Milluki’s Nen lessons, but those were only continuing because Zeno refused to acknowledge the break in any way.

Illumi was often out on jobs, since Silva and Kikyo were always mysteriously busy and Zeno refused to take small or petty missions. It meant that Kalluto hadn't seen his oldest brother in a while, which was a little disappointing and a little relieving. 

Illumi was strong and an amazing assassin, everything Kalluto aspired to be, but he was a little creepy, and every time Kalluto passed Illumi’s bedroom on his way to see his big sister, he was hit with either the smell of bleach or the smell of absolutely nothing at all, which only smelled strange when you noticed it. Kalluto was a little confused by his big brother.

Kalluto was still working out which of his family members he considered the closest. Alluka had told him that she didn't get what was so hard about it, that he should know if he cared for a person just by hearing their name, but it just didn't work like that.

Maybe he should start taking notes on things he noticed about others, that might help, his handwriting needed practice too.

Kalluto hopped down off of Milluki’s bed, nearly slipping on the polished hardwood. Stupid socks. Milluki had tons of filled up notebooks from either writing or drawing, Kalluto didn’t know which though, he was sure he could find an empty book he could use.

Milluki had a lot of bookshelves lining the walls, he didn’t really know where to start, but he eventually decided to dig through the shelf nearest to Milluki’s desk. There were DVD cases mixed in with the books and something about it made Kalluto turn his nose up, but he ignored it, he wouldn’t find a notebook amongst that mess anyway. He stuck mostly to the lower shelves, getting the step ladder would involve Kalluto picking it up with both arms, and Milluki would scold him if he found out he’d been lifting things with his bad arm.

He eventually found the notebooks, but a second challenge was suddenly posed to him. He didn’t know which ones were full, and which were empty.

He ruled out the ones that had some obvious wear to them, and was left with a few that looked pretty new. He didn’t really want to snoop through Milluki’s stuff, but he did need a notebook, and he didn’t want to ask his mother for new one if Milluki already had plenty.

He picked out one of the clean notebooks, a red one with a black spine, and opened to a random page.

Oh.

_ Oh. _

That notebook was definitely not empty.

“AAAH!” Kalluto immediately snapped the book shut at the sound of Milluki’s screech. Milluki ran over to him and snatched the book out of his hands, clutching it to his chest and out of Kalluto’s reach, as if Kalluto actually  _ wanted  _ to take it. 

“How much did you see.” Milluki didn’t ask.

Kalluto looked absolutely anywhere as to not make eye contact with his brother.

“I saw…” He paused. “Your drawings.”

There were a few beats of silence.

“There were boobs--”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You don't even know what boobs are! You’re 4!” Milluki was yelling now.

“I know what they are. They’re in the games you pl--”

“Why do all of you spy on me?!” Milluki was as red as a tomato now, and that was just in Kalluto’s peripheral vision.

There were another few beats of silence as Milluki attempted to calm himself. Kalluto decided to risk making eye contact with him; Milluki’s stare was piercing.

“You’re not allowed to tell mama and papa.”

“What’s stopping me?” Kalluto teased. Milluki huffed in annoyance, pressing his hand to his forehead.

“I’ll teach you something or like… I’ll lay off on the broken arm stuff, just... what do you want?” Milluki looked really defeated, Kalluto almost felt sorry for him, but he suddenly saw an opportunity for information, and Kalluto wasn’t one to miss an opportunity.

“How much do you not want mum and dad to see that?” Kalluto gestured back to the notebook.

“I don’t need to tell you that, idiot,” Milluki frowned. “Just tell me what you want so I can put the splint on you.”

Kalluto paused.

“Tell me everything you know about Nanika.”

Milluki’s eyes widened and the notebook nearly slipped from his hands before he quickly regained composure.

“Why do you want to know about that?” Milluki narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“I’d feel rude asking her, and Killua only ever tells me vague things,” Kalluto tilted his head. “I know she killed a lot of butlers, but I don’t know how. Tell me.”

Milluki didn’t respond for a good five seconds. Kalluto had a moment of hesitation, maybe that was too big of a thing to ask after all.

Milluki sighed in defeat and the hope returned to Kalluto’s eyes.

“I’ll tell you.”

Kalluto smiled up at his brother.

“I also want a notebook. Not that one though.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let me put on the splint and I’ll tell you.”

\--

Kalluto’s new notebook wasn’t so much a notebook as it was a notepad, but Kalluto was thankful for it being small, it meant he could carry it around for on-the-spot note taking. It was blue with a spiral binding and ruled with a space for a title and date at the top of each page. 

It also didn't have any of his brother’s perverted drawings in it. A plus.

Kalluto had tucked a mechanical pencil from Milluki’s desk into his new splint before he left. He had forgotten to ask for a pen as well as the notepad, but he didn't feel like asking for one after Milluki had already started shooing him away, so he just took one. It was a nice pencil, it had a rubber grip.

He decided to start off his new book by writing down a few things about his family members. Kalluto thought back to his conversation with Milluki in his room and wrote down his brother’s name at the top of the first page, paying careful attention to each letter he wrote. He  _ was _ trying to improve his handwriting.

About halfway through his list, Kalluto heard his bedroom door open wildly and without warning. Probably Killua.

“Kalluto! Check out this crazy beetle I found with Alluka.”

Kalluto looked up from his notepad. It was Killua.

Killua was cupping his hands together up close to his chest, presumably holding the beetle, his shirt and face were smeared with dirt, as were his shoes, his shorts didn't seem too dirty though, Kalluto was a little curious how that happened, but he ignored it.

Killua jogged towards Kalluto’s bed, keeping a careful eye on the beetle in his hands. When he was close enough, Kalluto placed his notepad and pen gently next to his pillow.

“Here, look.” Killua held out his hands to Kalluto, revealing a deep-brown stag beetle about the size of Kalluto's fist. “Isn’t it cool?”

Kalluto tilted his head to get a better look.

“It looks like a normal stag beetle.” Kalluto commented.

“No!” Killua shook his head a bit too aggressively. “Look at it’s eyes! It’s an albino!”

Kalluto squinted his eyes and moved his face a little closer to the bug.

“I still don't get it.”

Killua sighed.

“No, see how it’s eyes are white? Stag beetles usually have black eyes. I don't really know how it works but I guess since it has a shell, it’s skin doesn't turn white, just it’s eyes.”

“Oh, that’s pretty cool.”

“See?” Killua smiled proudly. “Wanna hold it? It’s still alive I think, it’s not moving much though.”

Kalluto nodded, reaching out his hands. Killua carefully maneuvered the beetle into Kalluto’s hands, smiling all the while.

The beetle looked much bigger in Kalluto's hands than it did in Killua’s, and its legs felt weird and spindly against his palms. Kalluto lifted it up to get a better look at it.

“What are the things on it’s head?”

“The pincer thingies?”

Kalluto nodded.

“I think they’re teeth?”

“Teeth? They look like they’d be hard to chew with.” Kalluto looked skeptically at the beetle as Killua giggled to himself.

“Imagine if I had teeth like that! It’d be so cool!” Killua held his clawed hands up to his mouth, miming fake pincers and chomping at the air. Kalluto giggled at his big brother.

“You don't look cool at all! Your teeth are too small.”

Killua pouted and his hands fell limp by his cheeks.

“That’s mean Kallu, don't make fun of my teeth!” Killua scolded, his hand-teeth chomping at Kalluto as he spoke

“Sorry Killu-nii.” Kalluto giggled a little more. 

Killua continued to pout as he defiantly broke eye contact with his little brother, crossing his arms across his chest. Killua’s defiance was short-lived though, as soon as Killua saw the little blue notepad sitting on Kalluto's sheets, his face softened and he reached out to grab it.

“What’s this? Can I see?” Killua asked, despite the fact that he was already moving to open it.

“Mm.” Kalluto nodded his head. “I’m just practicing some stuff in there.”

Killua plopped himself down on the bed next to Kalluto, flipping the notepad open to the first page, where Milluki’s name was carefully written at the top. Kalluto carefully place the stag beetle onto his lap, freeing up his hands so he could properly wriggle himself closer to Killua's side.

“What’s Milluhi?” Killua pointed to where Milluki’s name was written, Kalluto squinted his eyes in confusion.

“What do you mean? It’s Milluki.” 

Killua looked confused for one more second before some kind of realisation dawned on him.

“Oh! You just messed up the characters for ‘hi’ and ‘ki’.” Killua explained. “'Hi’ has the little tail that goes underneath the dot, but 'ki’ is just a straight line.”

Kalluto stared at the name in thought for a good moment before he nodded his head in understanding.

“Do you have a pen? I’ll help you fix it.” Killua smiled down at his little brother and Kalluto found himself smiling back.

“Mm, it's behind you.”

Killua twisted his body to reach for the pencil, clicking the top a few times to get the lead out before crossing out the 'hi’ at the top of the page and scribbling a 'ki’ next to it. He scanned the rest of the page and pointed to the list Kalluto had started making.

“What’re you writing?”

“Stuff I notice about people.” Kalluto absently poked at the beetle in his lap.

“Cool! Did you write anything about me?”

Kalluto giggled and shook his head.

“No, I only just started.”

“Aww…” Killua pouted. “I wanted to know if you liked me.”

Kalluto paused.

“I like you Killu-nii.” He reassured Killua. He was pretty sure he meant it sincerely, he at least hoped it sounded sincere, he didn't want to make his brother sad. Did not wanting to make someone sad mean you liked them? Maybe he should ask Alluka later.

Killua's face lit up regardless.

“Here, I’ll help you. Do you wanna write about someone else?”

“Can we write about Alluka?”

\--

“Onee-chan?” Kalluto yelled up the tree. “Did I find you?”

A defeated cry came from amongst the branches just as Alluka peaked her head out from the leaves. She was sat on a lower branch of the tree, but she was still pretty high up.

“You’re too good at this game!” Alluka pouted.

“Sorry.” Kalluto called, but it didn't really sound like an apology.

Alluka turned so her back was facing Kalluto, and without any warning, she swung herself back, hanging onto the branch by her knees. She giggled to herself.

“You’re upside down.” She informed him.

“ _ You’re  _ upside down.” Kalluto retorted. Alluka smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

Alluka reached out an extended finger towards Kalluto, delighted to find that she could just reach far enough to touch his nose.

She poked his nose. “Boop.”

Kalluto didn't know how to respond.

He decided to poke her nose back. 

“Boop.”

Alluka smiled and scrunched up her nose in a fit of giggles.

“I don't know how to get down from this point.” Alluka said between giggles. 

Kalluto reached out to help her down, but he caught his splint in the corner of his eye and pouted as he dropped his arms back to his sides.

“I can't help you…” He mumbled.

“That's okay!” Alluka readjusted her legs on the branch. “I think I can…” Alluka trailed off as she reached her arms up to the branch, holding on to it with a determined expression.

Before Kalluto could ask what she was doing, Alluka had already kicked her legs forward, and was backflipping her way to the ground. She landed on her feet with a satisfying thump in the dirt before she lost balance and fell back onto her butt.

“Ow.” Alluka said, but she didn't sound like she was in pain.

“You okay onee-chan?”

“I’m fine!” She cheered, craning her head back to see Kalluto without actually turning around. “Did you find onii-chan yet?”

“I know where he is.”

“But you haven't actually found him?”

Kalluto shook his head.

“Then lead the way!”

Alluka grabbed onto Kalluto's good hand and they began to walk further into the trees. Killua was somewhere a bit down the mountain, but he wasn't high up like Alluka was, he was under something that kind of looked like water? Maybe he was holding his breath in the stream by the servants’ quarters; that seemed most likely.

He led Alluka in silence as they navigated through the denser part of the forest, Kalluto hadn’t really been here before but he figured that as long as he kept going in Killua's direction, they wouldn't get lost.

It only took a few minutes of silence for Alluka to start talking.

“Is Killua really down here? I haven't been to this part of the mountain before.”

“He is.” Kalluto reassured her.

“Did you see him go this way?”

Kalluto shook his head.

“Then how do you know?” Alluka stopped walking, still holding onto Kalluto's hand, making him stop too.

Kalluto paused.

“I dunno. I just do.” He mumbled. “He’s down here a bit further, and I think he’s underwater.” He squeezed onto Alluka’s hand, hoping his answer satisfied her. Alluka’s face lit up in wonder, Kalluto breathed out in relief.

“That’s so cool how you know without seeing him! I wanna see If you’re right! Let’s go! Let’s go!” Alluka started tugging him further through the trees.

“I am right... “ Kalluto muttered under his breath, letting Alluka drag him into walking again.

They walked at a much faster pace this time, breaking through the dense trees in no time. Kalluto was really starting to feel the sweat build up between Alluka’s and his hands when they reached the start or the stream Killua was hiding in.

When they were about halfway down the stream, Kalluto felt Killua move. Were they close enough for Killua to spot them and try to run? No they were still too far away, so what made him-

Wait, another person was near Killua, close enough to touch him, how come Kalluto didn't notice until just now?

He stopped, suddenly halting Alluka mid step. She turned to Kalluto, a confused look in her eyes.

“Kalluto?”

“Someone grabbed Killua out of the water, I think it’s dad.”

“Huh? Why’s daddy this far down the mountain?”

Kalluto felt Silva’s presence properly this time. He had definitely pulled Killua out of the water. It wasn’t like Killua had passed out and needed to be gotten out of the stream by someone else though, Killua was fine, so what was their dad doing? It didn't help that Kalluto had an odd feeling in his belly too.

“Something weird’s going on.”

“Let's go quickly then!” Alluka pulled on Kalluto's arm, urging him to start moving again. 

They ran the rest of the way, trying their best to quiet their footsteps as they went but Kalluto still slipped up a few times and let a stick crack beneath his shoe, it didn't seem to matter too much though, because when they reached the point where Silva and Killua were within eyesight, they were too engrossed talking (arguing?) with each other to notice them. 

They immediately froze and ducked into the trees anyway, just to be safe.

Silva and Killua were too far away for Kalluto to hear anything or read lips but that was okay. They both knew that getting any closer would risk getting caught, they would just have to deal with body language being their only clue.

Killua was dripping wet, he  _ had _ been in the stream like Kalluto thought.

“What's going on?” Alluka whispered, clearly concerned. Concerns that were properly justified only moments later.

Silva struck Killua on the back of his neck and Killua fell to the ground. His presence vanished from Kalluto’s mind.

“Onii-chan!” Alluka yelled out, slapping a hand over her own mouth as soon as the words were out. She looked over to Kalluto with panic in her eyes, Kalluto was just as panicked.

Silva’s head snapped in their direction, his aura spiking, and even with Kalluto's minimal training and the distance between them, he could tell it was not a pleasant spike. Alluka must’ve felt it too, since she immediately leapt towards him, clinging onto his arm and digging her fingers into his skin. Kalluto wanted to hold onto her too, but he was frozen, something about his dad's aura making him still in his body, unable to move or speak.

But maybe that was a different aura.

He felt the presence just as it was too late. His oldest brother, right behind him.

“Kalluto, you really shouldn't have gotten involved with that thing.”

In his last moment, he heard Alluka scream his name as she was forcefully pulled away, her nails scratching into his flesh as she clung on. His skull filled with suffocating nen that wasn't his own, and everything went black.

\--

Alluka curled herself around her favourite teddy bear, the black one with blue eyes, willing herself not to cry.

The bed here was just like the one in her bedroom, so soft and plush that lying down on it felt almost like sinking. All her toys were here too, lining the walls and floor in just the same way. The ceiling was lower though, there was one big mirror along the wall in lieu of windows, and the carpet was a completely different colour.

Nanika wasn't holding back like Alluka was. Nanika was crying, bawling her eyes out. She didn't like being in here already. Alluka was trying to ignore it.

She nuzzled into the fuzz of the teddy bear and pretended she wasn’t here, that she was up in her real bedroom and just taking a nap after a tiring afternoon of playing games with her brothers. Maybe it would be easier to pretend if Nanika was pretending too, but she wasn't, she couldn't.

Alluka beckoned Nanika closer to her, and Nanika finally looked up after hours of hiding her face away. Her pale skin was damp with tears and Alluka wished it wasn't, she wiped at Nanika’s cheek with a thumb but it didn't do much.

“Can we go to sleep now Nanika?” She asked timidly. “I’m really tired.”

Nanika nodded her head, wiping her tears away with her own hands this time. She looked up at Alluka hopefully.

“Hug?” She asked ever so quietly.

Alluka smiled and opened her arms. Nanika moved into them, pressing herself up against Alluka’s chest and tucking her head under her chin.

She held on tight to Nanika, curling up around her as she did with the teddy bear.

  
They completely slept through their first night in prison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So......... sorry about near 14 month break. Life is hard and i have no real excuses.
> 
> theres another scene i want to add to this chapter to make stuff down the line make more sense, but i thought that it was completed enough at this point that i really owe it to everyone and myself to just post the damn thing
> 
> btw writing alluka and nanika interacting is really fun. in my head, Alluka wasn't actually saying or moving in real life, she was just talking to nanika in her head, but it's totally up for interpretation
> 
> hopefully the next chapter comes sooner bc i kinda left y'all on a cliffhanger lol

**Author's Note:**

> okay so before u get ur hopes up: i am the slowest updater in the world and also really inconsistent... just look at my other fic about fucked up children (i have a thing) sOOO
> 
> i have most of a chapter two written and the plot planned out, but theres a slim chance ill be able to update weekly like i want to,,, I'LL TRY MY BEST TH O


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